Why aren't you married?

No one's actually asked me that, but considering the way I live in isolation and try not to consort with any likely nagging sorts, perhaps it's not surprising. It seems, however, that many of my friends are being asked that very question, and increasingly often, and even being asked it by peers! What, does coming into one's mid-twenties automatically mean you get married?

Right. So I actually did think/feel that way a year ago, but that was some sort of mania brought on by imminent birthday panic and well... I don't know, some sort of imprinted switch went off? But I'm not getting to my point... and my point is, why does that question assume that Everyone wants to, and should, and has to get married? As if it were the default state and everything else was merely striving towards it or insufficient?

I mean, finding people you like is hard enough, then getting them to go out with you is harder, getting along with people with whom you'd like to keep going out is harder even, and then what.. living with them, yes, okay... but for The Rest Of Your Life! It's a big deal! Getting married is fraught with all sorts of things that can go wrong - everything can go wrong. If you have children, then by all means, marry - you need all the help you can get.* If not though, I think there would have to be A Lot of Good Reasons to do so, to counter the emotional and physical leashing to another person in such a major way that you have to involve the Law to break it off.

Someone I know just got engaged - or rather, her most recent boyfriend gave her a ring and I suppose she said yes, but at least she's going to have a long engagement first... because you try not to rush into these things. I know marriage sounds exciting (to some) and I know there are those who dream about their weddings and dresses and white unicorns and whatnot but no matter how much weddings and finery cost, divorce costs more, and living in an unhappy marriage costs even more then that.

So, if someone decides to bind themselves to another for life, I rather think other people shouldn't celebrate it immediately, but consider how likely the marriage will make both people happy, and then celebrate accordingly, or...well, not. It shouldn't be a happy announcement by default, because it so often doesn't stay happy.

Of course, there are those who take neither marriage nor other people's feelings too seriously, but I'm not talking about them.

Oh I don't know. I know we all need other people and love and companionship and intimacy and security and families and hugs... but maybe marriage isn't the answer so much as becoming nicer to one another and taking care of each other - if we all became genuinely concerned for the welfare of others, and sensitive to other peoples' needs as well as our own... and stopped being so selfish and stupid, maybe everyone would be happier, and marriage would be more fun for everyone!

Blah.


*I get headaches thinking about people who have children carelessly and with utterly unreliable people, so I don't want to talk about that.