Ice cream!

Courtesy of our favourite appliance, we present our latest flavour, Chocolate Cherry Choc Chip!



Made with extra cream, valhrona cocoa, bits of dark chocolate, and fresh cherries macerated in vanilla sugar and soaked in brandy.

Yuuuuuuuummm....

Thanks for the love

I'd just like to thank everyone who took the time to write to me or comment with kind words and love and warm wishes. I'm surprised by how much I needed them, the acknowledgement of the pain and the sympathy. To know that people understood that they weren't "just" rats, animals or small furry houseguests, they were part of our little family. Then again, I am very new to this business of loss... I've never really lost anyone close to me before - even pets - my favourite hamster ran away so that the loss was gradual and tempered by hope... and every other indifferent hamster/bunny/gerbil/rodent was loved in its own way, but none ever loved me back the way my ratties did.

Now I know something about death and I'm not quite so afraid of it anymore, but I am angry, that it took my two loves, the little burning lights of my life, and switched them off.

Still, there is so much to be thankful for, for their reasonably long lives with us, all the joy and happiness they gave us and the little comforts we were able to give them. I am also thankful for the love and relationships we shared with them. That's the right word I think, relationships... because the way we interacted with them changed over time, and developed, rather than remaining constant or one-sided. Linus, for example, used to be a little stand-offish - not unloving, but an independent spirit who held himself with dignity and didn't like to be cossetted or fussed over. As he grew older though, he liked spending more time with us, and became a lot calmer about being picked up and cuddled...and later on, in his retirement, he relaxed even more and began to show us how much he enjoyed it, taking every chance to groom my fingers for me, and happily sitting to be petted and falling asleep in my hands.

Kimi was always the out-going personality of course. The curious, absolutely guileless, happy and optimistic friend to everyone. As he grew older, he developed a little bit of a stubborn streak, wanting to eat his treats in that box, and that box alone, and would get occasionally impatient with the cuddling - he was tolerant, but when he'd had enough, he'd let you know. He was extremely forgiving and trusting - even as we kept giving him yucky-tasting medicines, he'd still try a lick each time we offered him something new, until he either found one that didn't taste too bad, or he'd have enough and would push our fingers away gently but firmly. In the end, he still liked spending time with us, especially appreciating help with grooming - and he knew I was helping him because he'd pause what he was doing to let me finish, or moved so that I could reach better to clean his ear or scratch his sides and things like that... but he preferred to explore by himself, or hang out with Linus. I'll never forget how lonely he looked in his big cage by himself after Linus left, sleeping near the door with his head tucked in under him. Kimi was like the quintessential younger brother, carefree but for what his older brother was doing. He was always seeking Linus out, to take part in whatever project Linus had in mind, or just happy to sit and hang out with him.

I like to think that Kimi has found Linus and is now happily sharing his parcel of treats with him.

I wish I had more than just memories and imaginings left to treasure them by, but they will have to do for now. And I want to thank you for reading all this and for understanding my need to carry on so. There seems to be less love in this household since they left, and the love you've sent and continue to send has helped to replenish that. :)

Our Kimi

We lost Kimi this morning.

I think it was most probably a heart attack, which should have been quick and painless.

He may also have been heartbroken and lonely, despite our best efforts, since Linus left on Sunday.

Either way, he is here no more and we have lost our funny, loving, bright-eyed baby boy.



We told him every day that we loved him, and yesterday, I spent all afternoon with him. I gave him his medicine and we had our usual grooming session. I helped him clean out his ear and gave his fur a brush and scratched him where he could no longer reach. Later, I took him to my desk in his treatie hut and held him with my right hand while I did my work (slowly) with my left, and curled my hand around him as he slept. He woke up every now and then and absent-mindedly groomed my hand. I stroked his fur as best I could in return and thanked him. Later, I sang silly songs to him... Kimi had a grooming song, several random songs, and a song about his big bright eyes, and he liked listening to them, even when I wasn't in tune or had forgotten the words. Kimi was a forgiving rattie.

This doesn't hurt as painfully as did Linus' passing last Sunday, probably because I don't think he suffered much at the end. Also, it feels selfish almost, wanting him to stay with us just because we loved being with him. He was always happy to hang out with us, especially liked sitting on chocolate boxes, and kept himself amused with chewing corners off junk mail pamphlets. He liked the shiny hot pink ones the best.



He was also a great food enthusiast, always accepting his yoggies with glee - there was once he was so excited about dinnertime (we always make a big deal out of it) that in jumping about excitedly, he lost his balance and fell off the level he was sitting on. Thankfully, he fell onto soft carpet, and was immediately handed his corn as consolation. Fresh corn on the cob may have been his favourite dinner food ever (there are many contenders for this title) and his favourite snack was probably dried pasta, specifically fusilli, which is the spiral shaped variety. He'd pick one up, carry it to a convenient place, settle down comfortably, and crunch his way around the spirals till the middle was left, then crunch his way through that as well. We could usually hear him from three rooms away when he was having pasta. :)

Kimi was a joy. When he looked at you with those big bright eyes you always felt understood and trusted. He was an easy rattie to fall in love with, and I fell in love with him every day.



Life may be simpler now without the countless medications and constant nursing care for two elderly rattieboys, but it is also emptier, quieter and colder.

I've prepared a box, made out of two empty pasta boxes, and wrote his name on it. In it, I wrote our names, with our love and thanks for the love and companionship he gave us. I've also prepared a parcel of yoggieballs, yoggies, dried pasta and fresh corn on the cob, for him to take with him, and to share with Linus if he gets to see him.

Meanwhile, Kimi is sitting on a bed of tissues, tucked away in his fleecy blanket on my lap. He's keeping me company till Bear comes home, and we can bury him next to Linus under the camellia bush.

...

I thought I was alright. As I type this, Bear has come home early from work, and has held Kimi and said his goodbyes. I thought I was ready, but I just couldn't seal his box up. He still looked like he was just having a little nap. I didn't think I could bear never seeing his sweet face again.

I'm getting so melodramatic. Kimi's left. and I have to say goodbye.

I wish I could bury him wrapped in a hug so he'll never feel cold.

I have to let it go. He doesn't need me anymore.



Goodbye my Kimibear, till we meet again.
Know how much we love you, and keep warm wherever you are.

Goodbye my Linus

Linus passed away this morning. He'd slowed down a lot late last night, and was so weak, and breathing with difficulty. We couldn't decide what to do, but somehow we felt that we should keep him at home, as comfortable as possible, and love him, and if he could hang on, we'd bring him to the vet in the morning.

Instead, when I got up at 6am to use the bathroom, I went to check on him and picked him up to give him some water with a syringe. At that point, I think the life had nearly all drained out of him. He was limp, still breathing with difficulty, and was rapidly falling away. By then I was in tears and about to get up and bring him to the vet to end his suffering but Bear suggested we hold on to him instead. Soon after that, he suddenly opened his mouth wide a few times in a row, spasming and gasping for breath like he was choking, and then suddenly it was over. He was gone. He stopped moving and his eyes were wide open. I couldn't stop telling him I was so sorry. I didn't ever want him to suffer! I didn't know it would end like that. My poor boy, my sweet soft gentle boy.

After that, we held him and we closed his eyes. We made our goodbyes and felt our sorrow in stages. We held his body, brushed him and wiped his face and whiskers, and suffered the loss of his life. Kimi came to sniff him gently and understood. Then his body began to stiffen, and we placed him on a bed of tissue on his fleecy blanket and suffered the loss of his gentleness and warmth. We brushed him somemore till his fur was soft and shiny the way he kept it, and then we wrapped him up in the blanket and lost his beauty and colour and the softness of his fur.

We buried him in a tissue box decorated with cherry blossoms. Appropriate because he smelt like warm cherry blossoms, and loved sleeping in empty tissue boxes. We put in a parcel of yoggieballs for the journey, and sealed the box. We wrote his name and ours on the box, along with our love, and buried him in a shady spot under a camellia bush in a quiet part of the garden.



Goodbye my love. Till we meet again.

Love is...

... not eating the very last ferrero rocher in the box because he might want it later.



Hopefully, love is also about saying, Aww. How sweet. That's alright dear, I don't want it, you go ahead and have it...

or at least, How sweet of you, lets share it! :)

Fun with digital paints!

Found a nifty little painting tool called ArtRage by Ambient Design.

Mostly intuitive, and user-friendly. Good for a bit of fun!
No doubt those more aesthetically developed may find better uses for it. :)

Dude, where's the cheese?

Puppy origami

I made this for Bear on the first day of Chinese New Year. Instructions can be found here. Isn't it cute and surprisingly recognisable? :) It's presently guarding his computer.



I still think it's funny that before I met Bear, Qiao used to muse about getting a labrador and calling it Salmon, or Sam for short, and then I went and met Bear, who's born in the year of the dog, and is actually called Salmon. That's right, Bear Salmon is his name. hahahahaha. No. But yes. And its also funny because Bear used to have a labrador called Sam, short for Samantha when he was little. Then again, maybe it's not so much of a coincidence since all labradors are called Sam anyway. Well alright, most. Maybe just many. But undeniably, that is The Name for labradors.

Now Qiao just has to keep an eye out for a guy born in the year of the rat, presumably called Monsieur Camembert!

Rattie update

Bear and I may just have had enough of vet visits. We thought this a month ago, but what else can you do when your little loves get sick and you don't know what to do? Kimi the brave was going downhill day before yesterday, and breathing with difficulty and, what was more telling, he was stroppy and upset, shoving things away and pushing us away which is completely unlike him. So we brought him at night to the emergency vet hospital, where he had to stay overnight, alone! Sitting by himself in an oxygen tank, trying to breathe and getting injected with diuretics every hour or so. Not to mention the shocking amount we were quoted for his care by the vet on duty. Thank goodness Bear is solvent.

Anyway, we were sick with worry, not only for his health but also for leaving him alone, so we got up at 5am and went and got him. Luckily, he was feeling better, not back to normal by any stretch of imagination, but calmer, and we took him home with new meds and instructions. Sigh! Unfortunately, heart failure is progressive and sooner or later, we are going to have to make a very hard decision.

Thank goodness Linus is stable and doing well enough... although I know enough now to add 'for now', and is happy about taking his meds (in ice cream!) and calmly accepts help with grooming, and will usually reciprocate by cleaning my fingers for me. What a sweetie! :)

Kimi was still doing alright today, although he was deeply suspicious when I had him sitting on his back, because that's how I had to give him his meds orally last time, and I had to hold him firmly to dose him, and he didn't like it at all - can't blame the poor guy. After just gently brushing him a bit and making soothing noises, he decided no nasty syringes were going to make an appearance and agreed to be helped with grooming... that is, until I tried to clean his ear out with a bit of tissue - he has a small infection in his left ear, which we were treating with eardrops. Kimi stopped what he was doing, grabbed the tissue, and gave it a good hard look and sniff before deciding it really wasn't a dropper full of icky wet stuff, and then let me get on with it.

Sigh! :)

Last night, Bear and I had to give Kimi 3 different kinds of meds, one of which he has decided not to take anymore, so we had to be cunning, and we also had to give Linus his antibiotics and put ointment on his feet for his pressure sores and do the daily clean out of their cage (what with Kimi on diuretics and all..) and help them both with grooming, and then give Monty and Alfie the last of their meds for parasites and give them a run around in the living room, then clean out their cage a bit And then make them all dinner.

We decided that when the last of these boys left us, we'd have a break.

The thing is though, ratties are just So Full of personality and charm, and they like living with you, and show it. They also show that they like you and trust you and will play silly games with you, are affectionate (when in the right mood), are mischievous and cunning, love good food as much as we do, like being comfortable, understand some of our words and phrases, and when they're happy, they do this bouncing hoppy hoppy thing when they run. The sight, smell, and warmth of them always gladdens the heart. And what is love if not pain and sacrifice anyway? Except perhaps pain and sacrifice willingly endured.

Not without complaints, but nonetheless.

:P

Year of the Puppy

Bear, when small, with puppydog.