Instead, when I got up at 6am to use the bathroom, I went to check on him and picked him up to give him some water with a syringe. At that point, I think the life had nearly all drained out of him. He was limp, still breathing with difficulty, and was rapidly falling away. By then I was in tears and about to get up and bring him to the vet to end his suffering but Bear suggested we hold on to him instead. Soon after that, he suddenly opened his mouth wide a few times in a row, spasming and gasping for breath like he was choking, and then suddenly it was over. He was gone. He stopped moving and his eyes were wide open. I couldn't stop telling him I was so sorry. I didn't ever want him to suffer! I didn't know it would end like that. My poor boy, my sweet soft gentle boy.
After that, we held him and we closed his eyes. We made our goodbyes and felt our sorrow in stages. We held his body, brushed him and wiped his face and whiskers, and suffered the loss of his life. Kimi came to sniff him gently and understood. Then his body began to stiffen, and we placed him on a bed of tissue on his fleecy blanket and suffered the loss of his gentleness and warmth. We brushed him somemore till his fur was soft and shiny the way he kept it, and then we wrapped him up in the blanket and lost his beauty and colour and the softness of his fur.
We buried him in a tissue box decorated with cherry blossoms. Appropriate because he smelt like warm cherry blossoms, and loved sleeping in empty tissue boxes. We put in a parcel of yoggieballs for the journey, and sealed the box. We wrote his name and ours on the box, along with our love, and buried him in a shady spot under a camellia bush in a quiet part of the garden.
Goodbye my love. Till we meet again.
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