Thanks for the love

I'd just like to thank everyone who took the time to write to me or comment with kind words and love and warm wishes. I'm surprised by how much I needed them, the acknowledgement of the pain and the sympathy. To know that people understood that they weren't "just" rats, animals or small furry houseguests, they were part of our little family. Then again, I am very new to this business of loss... I've never really lost anyone close to me before - even pets - my favourite hamster ran away so that the loss was gradual and tempered by hope... and every other indifferent hamster/bunny/gerbil/rodent was loved in its own way, but none ever loved me back the way my ratties did.

Now I know something about death and I'm not quite so afraid of it anymore, but I am angry, that it took my two loves, the little burning lights of my life, and switched them off.

Still, there is so much to be thankful for, for their reasonably long lives with us, all the joy and happiness they gave us and the little comforts we were able to give them. I am also thankful for the love and relationships we shared with them. That's the right word I think, relationships... because the way we interacted with them changed over time, and developed, rather than remaining constant or one-sided. Linus, for example, used to be a little stand-offish - not unloving, but an independent spirit who held himself with dignity and didn't like to be cossetted or fussed over. As he grew older though, he liked spending more time with us, and became a lot calmer about being picked up and cuddled...and later on, in his retirement, he relaxed even more and began to show us how much he enjoyed it, taking every chance to groom my fingers for me, and happily sitting to be petted and falling asleep in my hands.

Kimi was always the out-going personality of course. The curious, absolutely guileless, happy and optimistic friend to everyone. As he grew older, he developed a little bit of a stubborn streak, wanting to eat his treats in that box, and that box alone, and would get occasionally impatient with the cuddling - he was tolerant, but when he'd had enough, he'd let you know. He was extremely forgiving and trusting - even as we kept giving him yucky-tasting medicines, he'd still try a lick each time we offered him something new, until he either found one that didn't taste too bad, or he'd have enough and would push our fingers away gently but firmly. In the end, he still liked spending time with us, especially appreciating help with grooming - and he knew I was helping him because he'd pause what he was doing to let me finish, or moved so that I could reach better to clean his ear or scratch his sides and things like that... but he preferred to explore by himself, or hang out with Linus. I'll never forget how lonely he looked in his big cage by himself after Linus left, sleeping near the door with his head tucked in under him. Kimi was like the quintessential younger brother, carefree but for what his older brother was doing. He was always seeking Linus out, to take part in whatever project Linus had in mind, or just happy to sit and hang out with him.

I like to think that Kimi has found Linus and is now happily sharing his parcel of treats with him.

I wish I had more than just memories and imaginings left to treasure them by, but they will have to do for now. And I want to thank you for reading all this and for understanding my need to carry on so. There seems to be less love in this household since they left, and the love you've sent and continue to send has helped to replenish that. :)